“When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me“.
So much has changed in the last few weeks. My life turned upside down again and I have tried with all my might to take it with every ounce of inner strength I can muster up. For those of you who don’t know; I was told to leave the house I lived in because of my 100 Years Project to meet my family in Italy. I scrimped and saved to get there and spent two of the happiest weeks of my life reconnecting a family in two countries. It’s all documented here on my blog. The owner of the house became so angry that he told me to leave. My punishment for doing something he doesn’t have the nerve to do. He has obvious mental issues and I became the focus of his hate and realizations of his weaknesses and inferiority problems. So, “Let It Be” has become my mantra.
“and in my hour of darkness, she is standing right in front of me. Speaking words of wisdom, let it be”.
Am I angry? Hell yes! Am I hurt? Yup, but I can’t spend time with those feelings because they serve no good to me or for me. Now I am learning to live each day a bit differently. I have lost so much with this move. There are moments I feel so sad, so lonely, so empty and so very lost in this great big world. Yet I remind myself of the things that make me smile inside, the moments I was in Melfi, Naples, San Giovanni Rotondo. The mental image of the Adriatic Sea from the mountain top. The days spent with my family, how happy they were to have me there! The sounds of their voices, laughter and chattering in the Italian language which I still do not understand. I pull my thoughts to those amazing moments of meals together, walking the ancient streets, smelling the air and feeling it on my face. Details, I remember so many details and they make me smile. My heart is so happy when I think back to my days in Melfi. It was the most incredible time of my life and NOTHING anyone can do TO me will change that.
“and when the night is cloudy, there is still a light that shines on me“
I have stayed connected with my Italian family. My grandmothers niece and I write letters regularly. My cousins and I group chat daily through an app on our cell phones. We send pictures, greetings, videos and even voice messages every day. They send me translations of Melfitano dialect: Kiatres=fa freddo=it’s cold. I am included in their daily life. Photo’s of my cousins newly adopted son, Simone. I was included in the celebration of another cousins birth of her son just last week, the birth of another cousins daughter in November and the news of yet another pregnancy – with TWINS!
“There will be an answer, Let it Be”
So often I think I should just move to Melfi. I ponder the possibility each day. The Pros and Cons of moving to Melfi are many. America has always been my home country but I have no home of my own in America. Nor would I have one in Melfi, but I have so much family in Melfi that would help me until I could establish myself. There would be many trade offs. My small family here; what would life be like without them? My very large family in Melfi; how can I stay away? First order of business is learning Italian, which I start next month. The rest is ALL financial and overwhelming.
“I wake up to the sound of music, Mother Mary comes to me. Speaking words of wisdom, let it be”
Somehow I think the answer will come in due time. If I walk each day with peace and confidence I have to believe that the answers will come. If I “let it be” to the hurt from a friend who would put me on the street, “let it be” to the harsh and difficult struggle he has put in my path, “There will be an answer, let it be” could very well be the mantra that will bring me home.
“Shine until tomorrow, Let it be”