Here in Western NY State the ground is starting to thaw, the gloom of winter skies is being replaced with more sunshine and the bitter air is being pushed aside by a slightly warmer breeze. If you look closely you can see the buds on the trees starting to show. Birds are announcing the arrival of morning just as the darkness turns to dawn. I wear my lighter coat and look forward to not having to wear a coat at all in the weeks to come. My snow shovel sits idly in the back porch, just in case, as it is not unusual to get a freak snow storm this time of year.
With only a few weeks left to go for my visit to Italy I have marveled at how much my life has changed recently. Really, I sat down yesterday and thought back to this time last year. My whole life was up in the air and I doubted my dreams. I doubted my ability to push forward and through a very long and dark phase. Now just one year later here I am, trip planned, airline tickets bought, Passport in hand and the surprise chance of fate to see Springsteen while I’m there! It seems surreal yet so immensely gratifying. The sense of accomplishment has given me amazing confidence in myself. A confidence I’ve not felt in years.
Throw in the mix my health issues that surfaced in Sept last year. Now that was a heavy blow, to lose the use of my hands! Somehow I’ve managed to ride that wave up and down, some days more painful than others. No health insurance to cover the medical bills and unable to find an affordable policy. I’ve stuck with and learned to work around my new “condition”. Continuing to search out some type of assistance and (pain relief) for months now, I finally got it. With the help of my cousin who is an RN, and her boss at the Hospital, I was directed to a Clinic for low-income area residents. One phone conversation and proof of income sent in, I qualify for treatment at their clinic. Through a grant program I will be able to receive care and treatment for this painful and debilitating disease. The good just keeps coming my way! My hope is that before I leave for my trip, I can get on better/stronger meds and drop the extra weight that my current meds have put on me. I’d like to look at myself and see my face instead of the chubby cheeked woman I see today. My ankles are swollen to the point that I can’t see my ankle bones any longer, those aren’t MY ankles! I’m about to embark on an amazing journey that I worked long and hard for, meeting family for the first time and I’d really like them to “see” the real ME not the puffy medicated me. But, it is what it is, I can’t do any more than what I’m doing already and help is on the way.
And things are good, slowly, with each step, each effort, each accomplishment, I feel wonderful about the turn my life is taking. Each person in this world deals with darkness at some points in life, mine happened to last longer than some, (and thankfully, not as long as others) but I honestly feel the worst is behind me and that it’s all good from here.
Easter; a time of resurrection, birth and life anew. May you enjoy all of the goodness this day and season have to offer.