Many years ago I used to love Christmas, everything about it. When I met Tim ( I was 18 ) that slowly changed after the first few years we were together. About 4 years into our relationship he started getting grumpy just about Thanksgiving time, then as each year progressed he turned to mean, then even meaner. Then I dreaded Christmas. He ALWAYS hated the shopping part and refused to let me shop alone. I wasn't capable of picking "nice" gifts according to him, he said I had no taste and was not "original" in my choices. So, I had to wait for him to get ready to pick out our gifts. He'd put it off and put it off until almost the very last day, the day he would be at his worst. The day that lines were long, stock was gone, traffic was backed up to the ends of the earth. And all he did during those last few days was yell at me. It was my fault. I would suffer through each Christmas like this for at least 10 years. I stopped getting excited about putting up a tree, lights, the food, wrapping our gifts real pretty so they'd sparkle under the tree. I finally gave up. I gave up on Christmas.
Did I? Or did I just get old? It'll be 20 years this January that I left him. I haven't ever once missed him, but I miss being part of a couple. Maybe, just being single for so many years has dampened the joy of Christmas for me. Maybe he ruined it for me forever. I don't know but what I do know is that life without him is so much better than life was with him. The part about Chirstmas I stick to is the REASON for Christmas to begin with.
So this year I have decided to decorate the front of the house. Using some of what I've had packed away for so many years now and a few things that I purchased yesterday, I am on a mission to create a beautiful display. I have it all finished in my head but getting everything there has proven to be a small challenge. Not to mention that our weather yesterday was bone chilling cold and very windy. After 2 hours I was pretty chilled and finally gave up. Today, it's supposed to be warmer and so, I'm heading back out there.
I won't do much decorating inside. It's just me and Honey and no one really ever comes to visit so why bother? Everything out front will go on a timer so when I get home at night my lights will be on and it'll be pretty and welcoming for me. That's gonna be just fine for me.
Christmas Day will be spent right here, in the house that Sue & Tom have given me & Honey to live in. In many respects it's just another day, but in other respects it a day to celebrate. Celebrate 20 years of freedom and the day that more miracles are given around the world than any other day of the year. I am safe, warm, well fed and healthy. I have the best dog in the world, the best family and the ability and strength to continue my journey of moving forward.