Yesterday I worked at my nieces kennel. They booked me three dogs to groom and one of those was a nice, yet typically freaky, German Shepherd. And one was a disaster Poodle. Matted from one end to the other, almost solid strips. Her name was Missy and she was very good. Sometimes they're not and you have to "wrestle" with them to get them shaved and bathed etc. She wasn't sitting perfectly but she wasn't naughty either. I am pretty sure it felt good to her to have that mess off of her body. No muzzle for nails either, which was promising. The third little guy named Sam, was really cute and very good. He was a 7f all, groomed on a regular basis. So, other than my helping out one other groomer with one of her dogs, I managed to get my own Honey in the tub and trim her nails and still got done by 1pm. Good day, I sort of wished I could have done more because I could use the extra cash and I felt pretty good considering the beating I got all week at work. But I had to sort of try to finish by 1 and get home.
I had a date – kinda. See, my mothers husband invited me to go to the Galleria Mall in Buffalo and have lunch at either the Cheesecake Factory or Bravia, an Italian place across the hall. He does this once in a while lately. Calls me up and asks to take me to different places.
He and my mother have been seperated for years now but will not divorce each other. I do not refer to him as my "Stepfather" because he was never a "father" to me or a couple of my sisters way back when. This is going back to the 70's when I was a teen in High School, my two younger sisters & I lived with our mother. She started dating him and it was "let the drinking begin". Two older sisters booked out of the house ASAP and us three younger ones were left behind to learn how to survive both an alcoholic mother and her alcoholic boyfriend. It was a mess for many years. He never liked us and made it very clear. He was the reason I tried to leave at 16, which I actually did. I got an apartment with another girl and I went to school days and worked nights/weekends. I tried really hard to make it, but one simple, innocent decision turned my life around. I went to Planned Parenthood for birthcontrol. They offered me this "New and Improved" IUD called the "Dalkon Shield" perfectly safe and effective they said. A week later I was in the Emergency Room at the hospital with Pelvic Inflamatory Disease. So severe the Doctor told us that I may not survive the infection. My Bio dad was there by my side and crying. No one else was.
That was it. I was back at the place I tried so hard to escape from. He allowed me back because of my mother. So my Jr. year of HS I was tutored every class at home. Once that year had ended I was well enough to be up and around again. I looked for another job and was anxious for my Senior Year. One month before school started he came to me and told me to be out of the house before my mom got home from work. His idea was to have my dad take me in and that backfired, my dad at that time wouldn't. So there I was. On the streets and all alone. My two younger sisters, I worried about them so much but I was totally helpless and by that time rebelous with an attitude. It turned out that I flew to Seattle to live with my older sister. Her husband – an alcoholic. Go figure. Let's just say I stayed there for 9 months, never got back into school or made any friends and found my way back to Rochester. I was miserable emotionally and still suffered with chronic pain.
This man was never a Father to me. But many years have passed now. He & my mom seperated years ago and both have stopped drinking. He had a bad heartattack and with that came enlightenment. Slowly over the past couple of years he has tried to reconnect. Made many efforts in fact. One time he actually told me "you really weren't a bad kid". So, little by little I have dropped the anger and in some ways started to feel sorry for him. Why? Because I can't imagine carrying that burden of KNOWING that you hurt someone so badly, sent them into the wolfs den to survive and now realize what you've done. And frankly I've grown. I stopped carrying all of that mess around with me. Life is too short and I have so moved on.
Soooooo, I accepted his offer to go for a nice meal. Buffalo is about an hours drive from Rochester. I've never been crazy about Buffalo and certainly driving an hour to go to a Mall is not something that I get excited about, but I will let him try to make amends. We enjoyed a nice meal and conversation. Our young server was adorable and a major sports/football hobbyist, so he and she chatted and it was fun to watch. The drive back was enjoyable and relaxing. All in all it was a nice ending to a hard week. He has grown and is trying to "fix" or make things better, so I let him in my life again.
Forgiveness is freedom.