I do not enjoy being in the company of people who think there’s nothing better than to drink so much alcohol they either go “numb” or make complete jerks of themselves under the guise of “let loose, have fun” or the best one; “relax” and whatever other reason they deem to justify being in such an altered state that they slur their words, stumble while trying to walk, think every stupid little thing is funny or start crying because the alcohol makes them so sad etc.
I have spent the majority of my life with people who either use alcohol in excess and turn into flaming idiots or assholes. I have also lost family and friends who have died as a result of excess alcohol. New Years Eve is the LAST night of the year that I want to be anywhere near these fiasco’s. Far be it from me to judge or stop someone from enjoying themselves, it’s just not MY thing.
I bid farewell to 2015 in peaceful slumber just a couple of days ago. Warm and comfortable in my bed. My year recounted quietly in my head, the good, the not so great, the fabulous and the difficulties. I thought about my visit to Melfi, Italy in the spring. My personal tours of places in Rome, Castelmezzano and Benevento. The private tour of the cave church Santa Margherita sec.XIII was incredible. As was the time I got to spend with family again.
I thought about the multiple car repairs too. From 3 brake lines going at 3 different times, slave cylinder going, needing a hole in the muffler plugged, oil change and worrying if it will make it just…one…more winter here in Upstate NY.
Thoughts also went to moving my elderly mother to a better apartment Easter Weekend. My sisters and I all worked fervishly to make that move and transition as easy as we could for her, but per our mother, she fought every step of the way. Only two and a half months later her stubborness backfired on her and in her refusal to use her walker because “she was fine” she fell on the kitchen floor and fractured her elbow in multiple places. I thought back to being in the Emergency Dept. with her and two of my sisters. Each of us cursing in our heads, mom included. The Surgeon wired back together the fragments he could save and sent her and a full cast off to a beautiful ReHab facility where she spent 6 weeks. The oldest sister had planned to come East for a 2 week visit anyway, so she was the lucky duck who got to help transition mom from rehab to home.
While snuggled quietly in my comfy bed I thanked God for lessons learned during 2015, for the strength and grace he provided me to accomplish my life’s tasks, both good and bad. I looked back at the year with grateful appreciation for all that I have and all that I have become. It was a year filled with love, family, friends and framily.
My 2016; Yesterday I started to price airfare back to Italy. My heart raced and jumped when I saw how cheap the same flight was compared to last year! This trip will be for 3 weeks, I’m a little nervous being gone that long, but they want me to stay as long as I can. They are excited and waiting for me.
Our Italian Language teacher has moved to NYC and I am crushed. I was looking forward to continuing classes with him. I am so far behind with my studies, I pull out my books, review my vocabulary flash cards, dabble with Rosetta Stone, listen to my Italian radio app on my phone, but I need to do more. There is a class at Nazareth College nearby, but it’s over $200 – out of my budget range. So, I will do as much as I can, but it will be what it will be.
Hopefully 2016 will be my year for another vehicle. The Honda has been a champ at 15 years old and pushing 200,000 miles. It still gets me around and I’m praying that it hangs in there for at least another 6-8 months.
I have been calling my Financial Case Manager regarding my health grant renewal to no avail. I only use it for my Rheumatoid doctor visits and required blood work. Monday, I will try another call. After that I’m not sure what to do. I need the medications, and with out the grant I can not continue. Without the meds I can not use my hands.
My expectations for good an wonderful things in 2016 are high. Keeping negative at arms length and inviting positive to come closer is becoming easier with each week that passes. I can be there to support my friends and family but I don’t have to absorb their sadness or pain.
The biggest change coming to me this year is silly but I will be turning 60! I can’t believe it. It seems so strange. Part of me feels totally fine with it, then other parts of me are panicking. My plan has always been to slow my work to a crawl and have no worries about surviving financially. Ha!!! Well THAT didn’t work as planned but I will still focus on the things I Can do something about. Work. Love. Peaceful warrior. Kindness. Protector.
Change is in the air, I can feel it. My gut never lies.